so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
