Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
