I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
