After last night, I could never be a politician.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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