where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
