I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
