it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
