Define "chronic" masturbator.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
