I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
