The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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