that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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