So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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