This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
