sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
