i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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