The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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