butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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