Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
