I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I didn't notice because vodka
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
