Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
