I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
