Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
