guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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