You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
