he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
