What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
