So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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