Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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