I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
