He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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