I think I won the penis lottery.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
