New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
