they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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