Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
