I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
