It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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