Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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