Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize