god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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