my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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