I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
