He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
