RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
