Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
