I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
