what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
