I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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