Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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