dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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