Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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