If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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