I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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