There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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