I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We have so much sex to catch up on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
