then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
