Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
