If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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