dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
