New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
