I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
