so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
