Umm I'm too high to move.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
time to smoke my breakfast
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
