There is no way he is gay with that hair.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
