I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize