i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
