My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
