I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
