I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
