I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
