u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
