What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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