mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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