i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
