Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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