before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
