Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
