so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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