I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize