I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
