Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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